"I don't want to be here anymore" While those words were coming out of my mouth, I felt two things at the same time. The first was shock. I couldn't believe that I was feeling such a rejection of my current situation. The second feeling was relief. It was like a deep burden in my heart was finally out and floating away. Six months later, I can now see that moment as a breaking point, or a corner where I had to turn to finally see the next step on my motherhood journey: go back to the beginning!
In case you are feeling confused, maybe I should go a little back and do a quick recap. Back in 2013, I was the tired and lonely mom of a toddler and pre-schooler when a pair of earrings that belonged to my Abuela Olga changed the course of my motherhood journey and started emme jewelry (you can read the full story here). My purpose with this jewelry brand was to reach out to moms feeling like me: unseen and unheard in the daily work of raising little kids and give them the spark of joy and empowerment to change the out(look) of their days.
Fast forward to 2020, everything was going great, but you know how this story goes, and by the end of March, we all knew life was different. However, I can't say it was terrible. As a #WowMom, I took the role of the caregiver and the cheerleader of my family. I thought that was what was expected of me at the time. I managed to make lockdown a joyful experience for my family. At the end of that year, I thought: I'm grateful that I had my family in this crazy year, and I'm proud of myself for how much I gave them this year.
But not everything was color de rosa. I was tired. Not physically exhausted, but more like emotionally and mentally tired of giving everything I had to make my family "survive" a challenging time. So when life started to pick up again to the pre-pandemic rhythm in 2021, my mind couldn't match motherhood life. I began to forget pending errands, mixup appointment dates and resent my motherhood journey once again. In July, the trigger to my breaking point was that I had forgotten to make my kid's annual pediatric appointment. The doctor was now on vacation with no appointments available for two months.
I know! That a doctor is not available is not a meltdown reason but at that moment felt like I was again failing at motherhood.
That is why when I said, "I don't want to be here anymore," I felt shocked and relieved. I couldn't believe that I was again at that point in my life where I was feeling motherhood as a burden. But this time was different. I knew exactly what had happened. I had taken such good care of my family that I had forgotten to take care of myself. I was not only tired but I was also burned out. I had forgotten everything that I had learned here at emme. So I had to go back to basics and focus on myself: I took a fantastic mom vacation, started a new eating plan, and focused on exercising more. I even abandoned emme and my kids a little bit, but believe me, it was for good.
Looking back, 2021 may look like a big mess, but I'm feeling thankful about it. Once again, I had to remember who I am and why I started emme jewelry. I needed to go back to the beginning (and believe) an affirmation I constantly repeat "in motherhood primero yo!".
Liberating and empowering.Now I'm ready to start 2022, filling my days with the purpose and the intention of feeling the joy of motherhood again.